My Tribe
Why a Tribe?
Early on in my child's diagnosis of Aspie/ADHD, I was desperately lost and had no idea where to start in on helping my child. A friend-of-a-friend-Mom, who's child was also neuro divergent, offered to meet with me. Over a very long lunch she generously pointed me in the right directions, sharing her invaluable best tips and specialists for her son. When I couldn't begin to thank her enough she told me simply to "pass it on"- just as she had done. And from that day forward I have done exactly that. I am trying to imagine how different my journey -- and my son's journey -- would have been without that meeting.
I made the decision to be an open advocate, rather than to maintain privacy. I welcome questions. When I come across a family with challenges, I try to share something about our journey that helped us. I want to help them to feel comfortable asking for support, and encouraged about their own journey. Folks can have a tendency to put to their head in the sand when it comes to recognizing their kids challenges, or feel overwhelmed, ashamed or out of control. In my experience, the best thing for the child in our Tribe is to get them the support they need as soon as possible. So anything I can do to support that path feels right to me.
This philosophy of "pass it on" has been more rewarding than I could have imagined. It has helped me to realize we are a Tribe and the best way to do this is together. I take my job seriously, even on the days where it feels so heavy that I want to stay in bed. So, I share. It helps me to focus on finding the light while helping others. I've never regretted it.
Who is my Tribe anyways?
I will tell you who they are NOT:
Those who take one look at my high-functioning kid and think we-parents are nuts. They don't believe us when we tell them he is not neurotypical, because they don't spend enough time with us in the places that trigger him, and don't have the experience to recognize when is a kid is working so very hard to keep things in check. (Eve family members may be in this category.)
Those who've seen our child triggered and trying to keep it together -- and then decide for us that it is not so convenient to invite us along next time.
Those that quickly conclude that we as parents should be managing or disciplining our child differently - without any additional conversation or support to try and understand what is really going on.
Those who judge because we choose to give our child medication so that he can be most supported in school, or because we allow our child ample screen time in noisy restaurants, or because we can't keep our home picked up when some days are total chaos.
Those who judge because we choose to share that we are parents of a differently wired child. rather than keep it private.
Those who are not accepting or accommodating of neurodiversity.
Doctors and providers who don't have the training to actually diagnose properly; or who treat and diagnose these kids based on a list of symptoms - without diagnosing them as individuals.
Here is my Tribe:
The beautiful, altruistic parents of neuro divergent kids who help other parents find their way.
The neighbor who graciously invited me in when my overly enthusiastic young child had unexpectedly run through her front door.
My dear friends and family who continue to learn how to be inclusive -- even when it is not always convenient.
The educators who accept that each child has something to contribute and each child learns differently. And who tirelessly work to keep their classroom ecosystem regulated.
Those embracing the accommodations we can all make to make life easier for those who are different.
Specialists that keep on plugging the pathway that moves each child further on their developmental journey.
Those respectfully asking questions about what is happening instead of coming to their own conclusions.
Those who recognizing my serious and intense role as a Mom of a differently wired child that is both conjoined with my child and family, as well as separate. It has become more of my identity now than my past career.
Those Reading this!
My deepest thanks to that Friend-of-a-friend-Mom - and to my Tribe. You keep me keepin' on it!