What I remember - part two: For our future

It has been a month since I wrote Part one and shared my #metoo experience, a haunting triggered by Dr. Ford’s testimony. For the days following and thru Kavannaugh’s approval, my head was a-blur and my body restless with my own history and the obvious truth I saw in her. All I could see was a lighted path, and dark encroachment from those who denied it for so many unrelated reasons. I kept thinking what possible reasons could matter more than believing the truth?

That answer has awakened an all out #metoo#withHer#notmypresident#IBelieve BEAST. (Let me know if you have a better name for it please...) I decided that my aggressors (from more than a single incident) should know the impact they had. The consequences. I dug around online to find them. To my alarm, they all had children. These men are raising boys and girls! That hit me like a ton of bricks. Why had I waited so long to confront them with the consequences of their choices? Were they preparing their girls for men like them? Were they teaching their boys to be better than them? Suddently I was feeling another layer of guilt. Why didn’t I speak up. I wished I could go back and do so.

I bridged myself - across my alabaster lit path - and wrote to them. I shared part one with each of them asking for a response. I asked them if they were remorseful to teach their children what they had learned. To teach their boys to be better. To teach their girls to be prepared and stand up for themselves.

Some told me I was brave to do this. But as I did it, I felt like the young naive insignificant-feeling junior high girl who didn’t speak up. I continued to feel like her as watched my emails and social media accounts for days hopeful for a response that would never come. I slowly came to realize they would not be that courageous or strong.

The action I took had to be enough, though it was not. I am certain that the action Dr. Blasey took was not. But it did serve to deliver my own closure. To reduce my own guilt and shame. To find my path and my voice. Dr. Blasey is a hero in my book as I can’t imagine doing what she did. The people who don’t believe her, are tragically choosing that path of darkness. I am ever grateful to her for helping to change the tide and lighting the path for all those who come after her.

’