How to get your sleep-groove back: Part 2
I told my husband I was splitting sleep into two blog posts to which he responded that seemed crazy as it seems like waaay more posts than that. Suffice it to say there is a LOT to say and this a doozie of a topic. If you are a parent searching for ways to help your child sleep then forge-on and hopefully find some gems within this sleep guide (also be sure to check out Part One with what I believe are the two critical paths for initiating this journey). If not, this is likely to be a super long boring but empathetic post, in that you can understand this is quite a journey for these families:
Pills!
One of the smartest things we’ve done was find a naturopath-doctor who specializes in kids with disabilities. We worked her to assess our son’s body chemistry and identify supplements to provide him more support. Our naturopath also advised us when we’d exhausted what supplements could offer and should consider medication instead. We were fortunate enough to be able to rely on supplements for sleep support, and since we were medicating for other things, this was a relief. Consequently, I don’t have any knowledge of actual sleep medications to share, but have some huge successes on the supplements side, so here we go!
1. Melatonin: One of the most popular parent questions I see in social media is about melatonin. We found it be a gateway to help get our kiddo on a successful sleeping pattern. We’d been told that it is not a good long term solution and we should think of it in terms of a few weeks — and I am glad we listened. Now that he is on a routine, we lean on it when he is having exceptional trouble sleeping, is getting off his sleeping pattern, or with bed time routine changes (ie: travel, sitter, etc).
You’d need to do research and talk with your doctor/naturopath about the doses. For our son - we’ve used a 3mg flavored one that melts quickly for fast acting help with falling asleep. We’ve also been known to use a 5 mg time release one to help him stay asleep.
2. Magnesium Citrate: We’ve found other secret weapons beyond Meltatonin. Our naturopath had us administer Magnesium Citrate - we do this at the beginning of bedtime routine. Rather than trying to articulate why it works, you can read more about it here. We started out with the flavored Calm drink when he was younger but then moved to these supplements. (It has the added benefit of keeping bowels regular/loose if your child happens to need that).
3. Sleep Thru by Gaia Herbs- The most life-changing for us has been an herbal supplement called “Sleep thru”. I credit finding this magical supplement for our family back to having a good naturopath. We started with one capsule per our naturopath and moved to two, which is where we’ve been for a few years. (Honestly now that his sleep is more under control, my menopause-hindered sleep is also benefitting from these supplements!)
4. Medication — Medication that provides support during the day also impacts sleep. We found that depending on the time of day administered, some helped and some hindered. Here’s some examples:
If he received slow release stimulant after 3:00 pm it endangered his ability to go and stay asleep.
Time release guanfacine/tenex in the afternooon eased his sleep.
We were surprised that some types of non-time release stimulants (depending on dose) and caffeine’s had a paradoxical effect to help him calm down enough to go to sleep.
All this is to say, it is complicated and these details matter a LOT. You may need to adjust some medications or change times administered to clear the pathway for sleep. When it comes to exploring timing of pills in order to protect sleep, we’ve done lots of brainstorming with each other and doctors to find what works. (From going to school for several days to administer medication at a different time to see if that made a difference, to hand splitting pills to spread out dosages, pharma scale and all!). If you need to, keep a journal to help keep track of what works/doesn’t work. If you have a doctor who won’t work with you on this, then push them or keep seeking one who will. We had a lot of success working with a medical doctor and and a naturopath in tandem to get the level of support we needed.
5. CBD - So this is probably a whole OTHER post (or posts!). Though we haven’t used this for sleep support, it has been part of an overall calming mix that many other parents have. If other things on this list hadn’t worked for us, this would have been top on the list to try for sleep. There is a non-THC CBD that is sythesized to from natural ingredients called Citrus CBD (non cannibus and non hemp derived), which is entirely legal and perhaps a good place to start. We’ve been told that CBD effects are highly individualized and sometimes multiple different products have to be tried to land on the one that does the magic. We’ve also been told by a naturopath that the ones from cannibus with the tiniest amount of THC can also really help with sleep.
Toilet Tales
Without fail we always have him use the toilet before sleep. We found that if our kiddo woke up at night to go to the bathroom he often couldn’t go back to sleep. So we cut it off at the pass, waking him up earlier than that and having him try again before we went to sleep so we would be less likely to get interrupted. (We called it a “try” and if he didn’t have to go, nothing lost.) As a side note, this is also when we administered the Sleep Thru supplement mentioned above. This intentional wakeup facilitated lots of practice at going back to sleep, which we modeled for him...until he didn’t need us to anymore. :)
Sights and sounds
Over the years we’ve tried lots of tools in this department. As our kiddo has grown and sleep skills expanded, many have come and gone. But here are ones that really worked for us:
Lights
We used lights that slowly change colors for night time calming. There’s all sorts of cool themed ones you can find on Amazon. We once even found butterflies at the dollar store and when traveling, glow sticks came in very handy. These tools helped make bedtime novel and positive, while reducing fear of dark-and-lonely-room anxiety. This is a good one to check in on and update once in a while -- now that he’s older and more comfortable with sleep he wants it super dark.
Clock with rules. Before he could tell time we needed him to know when was sleeping time; when a wake up was still time for sleeping; when was it okay to get up, versus reading and playing quietly in his room. (Translation when he could wake us up!). There are some color coded “toddler” type clocks that really helped us to coach him on these concepts. (We used a tot-clock).
Monitor walkie talkie style
I don’t know what we would have done without this one. These things are not just for babies or toddlers! It has served different purposes at different stages on this journey. The fact that kiddo knew we could hear him and talk to him immediately was comforting as we continued to stretch his sleeping skills (especially since he was in the quietest, far room from ours). As he’s gotten older, we’ve used it to continue to “hold-the-line” (as discussed in part one). When he wakes up, instead of running to his room, we remind him its sleeping/quiet time over the speaker. We remind him to leave the light off to help his body stay asleep, or to used his dimmed kindle to read and put himself back to sleep.
Kindle - “What if I can’t go back to sleep?” We needed an answer for this one that protected our sleep and didn’t entail coming into our bed and waking us, or getting up and turning on the lights. Answer: Read in the dark in your bed using the kindle on dim (we leave it on that setting by his bed) and when you tire put it down and go back to sleep. It worked!
White noise - White noise really helps dull noises of the neighborhood and household in a way that is calming. There are lots of ways to provide this; we currently use an app on old iPhone that he has really enjoyed customizing for himself. Every once in a while he changes it from his winning combo of a crackling fire and purring cat. :). The phone sits on one of those clock radios and we are sure to dim their brightness down. (The clock is also helpful now that he’s old enough to gauge if a wake up is too early.) Important caveat: The old phone has no apps on it that he can play with and is does not have any “screen-time” use.
Screens v Books: This is a whooole other thing — individual to families. We generally don’t permit any type of screen gaming a least an hour before bed - no exceptions. For our kiddo, screens make it harder for him to go sleep. If we are watching a family show, we may consider letting that go to 45 minutes beforehand. But if we watch a movie late night on a weekend, we accept it will take a while to wind down and plan for it. In all these cases, we always read before trying to go to sleep, even if late. It serves as a key physical “time to chill” marker for our sleep routine and sets up going-to-sleep for success.
Snug as a bug
A lot of families swear by weight blankets. But our kiddo slept too hot for them, and was far too restless and hindered by it. Perhaps a lighter one would have worked. He loves the blankets and sheets tucked in tight, feeling wrapped up safe. (I guess there is something to that swaddling they teach you in the hospital!) There have been times where he woke us because he wasn’t securely covered and wanted to be tucked back in. We didn’t credit wake-ups to that when he was younger because we didn’t realize what was going on, but as he got older he could articulate that he needed help with blankets. I recently read about a family that used beanbag weights to help secure the blanket tuck-in. If I had read about that years ago, we’d have tried it.
Sleep Stories
Social stories worked for my son. So I figured why not find or make one about sleep? I found a couple online and combined them into something that worked for him. He wound up asking for it a few times over the years. I also found some children’s books about sleep. None of these stuck around long term, but they all served to help shape a more positive concept of sleeping and helped him to envision himself sleeping successfully.
Positive Reinforcement
For ADHD kids, rewards systems can be recommended, and we’ve found it helpful. We have one that works and mindfully incorporating even small successes helped us along on the continuum. Did he cooperate for the bedtime routine he had previously resisted? Did he wake up and go back to sleep on his own? Did he wake up in the morning and let us sleep longer?
Don’t give up!
I am happy to report that this is THE very week that we’ve achieved official independent sleep for more than one consecutive night. Quickly falling asleep on his own, check! Going to sleep after waking up in the middle of the night, check! Sleeping through the night, check! Letting us sleep in -- check, check, check, check!!
Countless parents have found many other things that helped their children, essential oils for example. Internet search and seek out what other parents have written on this (also see Part One of this blog post). Make your own list of what you think makes sense to try. Join an online social media group with like-families and ask other parents - or search their past posts. You are not alone and you and your child deserve to sleep. May your future be filled with abundant Zzzzzs.