Summertime...and the livin' ain't always easy....

I recently disclosed to my child’s awesome and real psychologist that I have put our kiddo in summer camps most of the summer. Sometimes our son says he wants to be home, but when he is home for more than a day and half – he goes stir crazy for the social and sensory stimuli….and then I start to go crazy and it is not a pleasant combination. And then, he doesn't want to be home. (I am so very grateful to have the option of summer camps, as I know not everyone does.)

When he is not in school or camp, we plan lots of activities and there is not much time for chilling. I would love to be enough for him. I would love to be that family that cherishes every relaxed summer moment of sweet togetherness at home. But we are just not that family. So instead he gets to go hunting for frogs (...and snips and snails and puppy dog tails?) and make rockets and stuff. The doctor commended me for being mindful of what our family needs. He shared that some clients of kids like mine announce they are going to work on family/alone/ or one-on-one time over the summer, and he often cringes and thinks that can be a recipe for a disastrous summer.

All kiddos are different and some kiddos need intense intervention to modify certain behaviors that can affect their confidence/self image/ability to participate in mainstream programs, and often the best way to do this is at home. Some parents keep their kids at home during certain summers so they can implement positive behavior support programs aimed at supporting specific behaviors. Mainstream schools don't have the resources to do this effectively and mainstream camps don't know where to start with this sort of thing. So some of us are at home over the summer, filling in the gaps that no one else can.

Now, I love George Gershwin as much as the many singers who sang his tune about Summer -- but the living' just ain't so easy for everyone. If I’ve got this right, some parents of non-neurotypical kids may not be so... jumping-up-and-down. Or if we are, it may be less about joy and more about...desperately gasping for a moment to breathe. Summer is when I really understand why they say moms of special needs kids can have their own special version of PTSD.

In a recent mom-friend conversation (her hands...plate...and well everything... is all full-up with a couple of these kids), She was telling me how she had a new doctor to support her own mental health. When she told the doctor that she was exhausted, the doctor replied ‘...of course you are’. When she shared she had anxiety and was perhaps depressed, the doctors said ‘of course’. What was was unexpected to me was that she was surprised by the doctor’s response. Her eyes welled up as we discussed the validation she’d received. I could see her letting go of guilt as we talked. In another mom conversation, she told me summer was a ‘hamster wheel’. I get it.

Sometimes it takes every little bit of sunshine you got in that dark pocket, and there isn't anything left for you. If you are one of these parents I am here to tell you while you may feel isolated, overwhelmed, resentful and just plain kid-full-up this summer, you are not the only one who is experiencing it.

We love our kid(s) like nothin’ else. And we work super hard to do our best to provide the support they need. But it isn’t always easy. In fact sometimes it is damn hard….sometimes during the summer it is damn harder. It is okay to admit that - and not feel bad...maybe even let that guilt go and find yourself a long cool drink and toast to all the other parents like you out there. We are not whiners and complainers, we are realists who need support too. And, you dears are not alone. Here's to you! Thanks for all you do to keep our all our kids moving forward.